Spiritual Solutions

Stop trying to fix your family and friends, they won’t thank you for it!
Happiness, Intention, and Karma

A good way to frustrate yourself, waste time, and create tension in your relationships is by trying “fix” your family and friends.

We have all experienced the aggravation that arises from trying to help a loved one or a friend only to have our advice and intentions ignored, belittled, or used as ammunition in the battle for “whose right.”

The reason why our seemingly good intentions fail, is because the deeper, truer, inner intention is tainted by self gratification.
 
For example:  Mary has a friend Betsy, who is always depressed.  Mary loves Betsy and wants help her.  Mary treats Betsy to lunch, buys her spiritually uplifting books to read, recommends seminars and classes to take, tells Betsy what a terrific person she is, and so on. 

Mary’s thoughts about Betsy are often, “she’s such a great person.  If she’d only…..she’d be so much happier.”  Mary’s feelings about Betsy range from frustration, to pity, and back again because although Betsy complains a lot she will not listen to Mary.
 
Why aren’t Mary’s efforts to help her friend working?  Does Mary truly see her friend as complete, whole, and perfect?  Or does Mary see someone who needs “fixing” or saving?  How do you think Mary will feel once her friend is fixed?  Who is she really trying to make feel better? 

Mary’s inner/subconscious intentions are in conflict with her outer/conscious intentions.  Mary’s conflicting intentions contaminates the outcome, thus Betsy never gets “fixed” and Mary remains frustrated.  This happens for a number reasons: 

1.  Since Betsy complains a lot about her life situation, we can assume that Betsy sees herself and her life as flawed.
Mary perceives Betsy’s complaining as a desire to be “fixed” or helped in some way.  Unfortunately, Mary’s attempts at helping her friend fail because her perception of Betsy is of someone who is broken…thus Mary unwittingly perpetuates Betsy’s negative self image.

The law of karma states that  every action (intention) has an equally corresponding reaction (manifestation).  Thus, Mary continues to feel frustrated in her friendship because her feelings about Betsy are negative to begin with.  That is, she can not create a positive outcome for herself and her friend as long as she is coming from a negative inner space.  Mary does not really believe that Betsy is a terrifically whole person, her deeper belief is that there is something wrong with Betsy that needs fixing.

2.  There is a Hindu saying that only a god can worship a god.  What this means is that when we are in the awareness of our inherent and divine perfection we see It in the world around us.  Conversely, when we are in lack consciousness, we will see lack in others, in our relationships, and in our world.

Since Mary’s attention is not on her own perfection, Mary’s perceived inadequacies of Betsy are an unconscious mirror of Mary’s own perceived inadequacies. Here Mary’s deeper unconscious intention in fixing Betsy, who represents the outer world, is about Mary feeling better and ultimately more complete.

3.  It is possible that Mary has a “savior” or a “martyr” identity.  Thus Mary’s need to fix Betsy, will enhance and feed
this ego identity.  When Betsy doesn’t listen to Mary, the “savior” feels frustration. The “martyr” identity is perpetuated also when Betsy doesn’t listen because now Mary’s thoughts and feelings revolve around self-pity.

4.  The ego (unconscious, uncontrolled, and reactive thinking) thrives on feelings of power.  If Mary was very present during her time with Betsy, especially when the conversation or her actions revolved around fixing Betsy, there would be a tingling sensation in the solar plexus, accompanied by a feeling of power or superiority.  Why?  Because Mary knows more than Betsy about how to fix Betsy’s life, what books to read, and so on.

This Week’s Mindfulness Practice:
1. Be mindful of your intentions.  What’s really motivating you in your relationships? 
2.  Work on feeling your own completeness and acknowledge the completeness of others.

For more on topics about relationships and personal freedom, please attend my “A New Earth Workshop:  Working with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle,” begining July 8th or my “Women’s Wisdom Workshop.”

Popularity: 11% [?]

The following questions were asked by a reporter for an article that she is writing regarding meditation and creating an at-home retreat. I really enjoyed corresponding with her and I thought that the Q&A would be helpful to anyone interested in guided meditation and visualization. I hope you enjoy it, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Hello,

1) What is meant by guided meditation? The practice of meditation requires a place to focus one’s attention. The breath, a candle, a mantra or even looking at a blank wall is what is often used as the focus for one’s attention. In guided meditation, the instructors voice and use of guided imagery act as the focal point for the student. The sound of the instructor’s voice, the instruction given, and the guided imagery act to bring the student’s attention away from stressful thoughts and feelings, and into a very pleasant stress-free state.

2) How does meditation work to minimize stress? Stress arises from our erroneous perceptions about reality and from focusing continuously on the past and/or future. For example, each day that you leave for work you encounter traffic on the 405 freeway. As you drive towards the freeway you may begin to feel a sense of anxiety or dread because you are anticipating (future) the traffic. As you sit on the freeway, you begin thinking to yourself, “This is ridiculous. Why are there so many people in California? This shouldn’t be happing to me. I better not be late,” and so on. You may think that it is the traffic that is creating stress, when in reality it is your thoughts about the traffic that is creating your stress. Of course the argument can be made that if there wasn’t any traffic, you wouldn’t be feeling stressed. But the truth is, is that there is traffic in the moment that you are on the freeway. Meditation teaches us not only to be present to whatever is happening “now,” it also helps us to clear the lens of our perception so that we can see reality accurately. We become the watcher of our thoughts which empowers us with choice…either we can continue to complain about the traffic until we feel so badly that we make ourselves sick, or we can choose to just see reality as it is, “I am sitting in the car, there are other cars around me, my hands are on the wheel, my breath is deep, the sky is blue.” When you place your attention on what is actually happening now, the incessant chatter in the mind about what should or shouldn’t be happening stops and you begin to feel better. Without the practice of meditation, it would be difficult to have the presence of mind to watch your thoughts in this way.

All humans have what’s called in the east “monkey brain,” meaning our minds jump around continuously like a monkey. I have found that for the beginning student guided meditation is a wonderful tool that trains our ability to stabilize our minds. It also gets fast results. For the continuing student, guided meditation is fun and is a wonderful tool for self-healing. It’s important to note that when the mind begins to worry, for example, about the past or future the body does not know that the event isn’t happening now. That is, as you are anticipating and thinking about the potential traffic on the freeway, your body begins to react as if you are on the freeway now. Your heart begins to beat faster, your stomach begins to churn, your adrenal glands begin to release adrenaline, your thyroid begins to react etc… In the case of guided meditation, we use this principle to train the mind to create a sense of ease in the body. For example, if I am imagining that I am on the beach with my feet in the water and the sky is blue, my body does not know that I am not at the beach. In other words, my body will react to whatever stimulus my mind feeds it. Amazing!

3) What other benefits does meditation have? (ie, health, weight loss, etc.) How so? Deep breathing can lower blood pressure, improve digestion and help you to lose weight by oxygenating the blood and regulating the metabolism. It can help to improve brain function because deep breathing also oxygenates the brain. Deep breathing through the nose can also reduce the frequency of colds and flu because the air is warmed and filtered through the cilia in the nose, (Mother Daughter Wisdom, by Christine Northrup M.D.) There is evidence that a consistent meditation and mindfulness practice can re-wire the brain. For more information see: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART02791/self-healing Also a consistent practice is wonderful for a better night’s sleep, again because you are learning to reduce the brain chatter (which is what keeps most American’s up at night). For more information please read my article “How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep,” at http://www.myspiritualsolutions.com/blog/ Also, guided meditation and visualization can help the body to feel very relaxed, so relaxed that it will stimulate the body’s natural healing response.

4) How does meditation make people who practice it happier? Simply, a positive outlook on life and a relaxed body and mind are two key ingredients for a happy healthy life. Meditation and Mindfulness practice helps to create both conditions.

5) How can someone who lacks mediation experience try out a meditation practice during a one-week at-home retreat? I always encourage my students to create a sacred space at home. A sacred space is a small area made especially for their practice or study/reading. In this space there may be a special cushion or chair, a shawl or blanket to wrap themselves in and maybe a table where they place a candle and maybe some incense. If they haven’t meditated before they can purchase a guided meditation CD (I have one for sale at the gift shop on the first floor of the BCHD building) to guide them into a space of calm and relaxation.

Would you please walk me through a simple meditation how-to? Meditation can be frustrating without the guidance of an instructor, so I like to give my students a very simple exercise when they are just beginning: Before beginning a formal meditation practice, try this: Turn on some pleasant music, dim the lights and lie on the floor and place your hands on your stomach. Inhale slowly through the nose allowing the belly to rise on the inhale and hold the breath briefly. Next, exhale slowly through the nose, and hold the exhale briefly-that’s one round. Do 5 to 10 rounds, focusing your attention on the feeling of the breath and the rise and fall of your hands on your stomach.

I hope you find this information useful.

Many blessings,

Krista

Popularity: 33% [?]

Presently I’m teaching a series of classes based on the book, ”The Amazing Power of Your Emotions,” by Ester and Jerry Hicks.  During one of the class sessions, someone asked how the concept of karma relates to the Law of Attraction.  More specifically, she wanted to know how does all the baggage we carry with us from life time to life time (i.e.,  the typical Western view of karma) affect the idea that we can of think our way into better health, better relationships and more wealth.  In other words, what happens to all of our emotional and psychological and spiritual baggage? Do we just think it away?  Or does it continue to haunt and pester us no matter how positively we think?  This is such a fantastic question, one that will clarify the role our past has in creating a happy future. 

 Karma means action in Sanskrit.  Unfortunately, karma is often seen from a perspective that limits it to a kind of fate, ”my car was stolen because I must have stolen someone else’s vehicle in a previous lifetime…it’s my karma.” The Law of Attraction on the other hand, seems to discount the very popular notion that in order to understand the present and create a better future we need to delve into and understand our past. It appears then that The Law of Attraction is always leaning forward and our karma keeps us with one foot in the past.

Working with Our Karma 

Karma is the habitual ways  in which we view ourselves and the world; it is the unconscious modes of behavior that we have inherited.  Biologically we have  inherited many traits and habits, for example inheriting your Grandmother’s temperament as well as her eyes. We also ”…inherit the eyes that we are seen with,” as Dr. Stephen Cope discusses in his wonderful book, “Yoga and the Quest for the True Self.”  That is, in addition to our biological inheritance,  how we see ourselves and our world is determined by how we are seen by those closest to us and by how our society sees us also.  How many African American men have you heard say that when they walk past a woman she grabs hold of her purse? If a young black man is seen as a menace by society then that world view often times becomes a filter for how he sees himself and the world he lives in.  Contemplate how it would feel to walk by someone who  looked at you with fear and suspicion? Would you feel angry, indifferent, defiant? Or would you implode taking it all in allowing it mold your deepest feelings about who you are?  Then ask yourself what action (karma) would arise from those feelings, from that viewpoint, from an unconscious sense of self derived from an outsiders view of you?  Perhaps there is a situation in your life that is more personal and immediate, one that allows you to see that who you think you are, is really tied to the things that your mother or father has said about you and to you. The truth is, is that we all share in this reality and this is the basis for most of our personal and collective suffering, wrong view. 

Karma is also the energy that moves through us and like a magnet it attracts more of the same to us.  We call this aspect of karma, the Law of Cause and Effect, what comes around goes around, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  According to this law,  if we are silently or not so silently indifferent, we will, through our actions, attract that same indifference to us.  We will create for ourselves a world of apathy where nothing every moves, or breathes or lives. If on the other hand we are aware of our feelings of indifference and separation or whatever, then we become the master of our destiny…we now can exercise the supreme gift of choice.

Working with Our Karma and The Law of Attraction 

Choice is the energy that drives the use of the Law of Attraction.  Like karma, the Law of Attraction is often over simplified and misunderstood.  The Law of Attraction is not just positive thinking.   Positive thinking is meaningless if we do not understand the habitual patterns and beliefs (i.e., our karma) that motivate our thoughts and actions.  This is how these two concepts of the same reality, karma and The Law of Attraction, can work together.  If you desire better healthier relationships, then you need to become aware of how you feel and you behave in your relationships.  If you desire love and support, ask yourself, “Am I loving and supportive?  Or do I have a habit of undermining myself and others in my relationships through my neediness, my anger, my sense of unworthiness?”  The Law of Attraction tells us, that we must become what it is we desire.  The Law of Cause and Effect demands it since we can only attract what is like our view of ourselves.  How can we create peace through anger and resistance?  How can we attract love when we undermine or belittle ourselves or our loved ones.

 At the core of The Law of Attraction is action, we must become, we must do, we must create the container that will hold our desire.  If you desire to lose weight, you must eat more healthfully, exercise more regularly, and create a positive mental atmosphere about your sense of well-being now.  When you do this, your body takes over, it responds to your thoughts, intentions and actions.  You don’t tell the body how to shed the pounds, you just create the conditions for the intelligence of the body to take over.  It is the same with this Law of Attraction.  You must be the architect of the container to hold what it is you desire, then the intelligence of the Universal Body will take over… and your cup will overflow with all the good you can stand!

Popularity: 100% [?]

My goal with this blog is to write a post each week, but since I’ve been busy with kid stuff (progress reports came out this week), volunteer activities at the church and new classes, I missed a week of writing.

In the past, I would allow myself to become so busy that eventually I would be lost in the momentum of all the doing. I wouldn’t eat well or sleep well and quality time with my family would suffer. But like a spinning top on an uneven surface, I would lose momentum, sputter, wobble and eventually fall over.

Subconsciously the only thing that would stop the mania was a bad cold or a flu. Consciously I knew, as many of us A-type personalities do, that I was feeling ill because I allowed myself to get run down. Eventually however, I became very aware of the feeling of relief that accompanied the cold or flu. I became aware that being sick was the only time that I allowed myself stop…I could just lie around in bed, sleep and recuperate. In other words the cold/flu cycle was part of a very predictable and larger unhealthy cycle and served a great purpose for me. Whether it’s a cold, a bad back or a migraine my intuition is that this cycle is the same for many, many people.

The other part of this cycle is how our sense of self is tied up in what we do, what we have and what group we belong to. Material gratification is transient or short lived. You get the house it’s beautiful, but eventually you have to fix this or that, or you need new furniture, or you need to knock down a wall and expand the kitchen. There is nothing wrong with having beautiful things; the problem is when the mind says, “Now I am happy,” or “Now I am somebody.”

The key phrase is “I am.” “I am” is a declaration of being. When we say “I am” in conjunction with something that we’ve earned or didn’t earn or something that we have or don’t have, we are setting ourselves up to continue this cycle of “doing” and then “burning and crashing.” I believe a Buddhist would call this the cycle of samsara, the cycle of death and rebirth. But all spiritual seekers beware! As one of my favorite spiritual teachers points out even spiritual pursuits can become another form of ego, “I am a spiritual seeker.”

Jesus said, “Before Abraham was, ‘I am.’” Nothing more needs to be said about who we all are, except “I am,” then everything else will be “added onto you.” That is all the material stuff, relationships, food, clothing, transportation, work, and creative outlets, all flow forth from the great “I am.” So over the course of the next week or more, let’s contemplate together “I do because I am,” and break the unhealthy cycle of “I am because I do.”

Popularity: 29% [?]

2008 reduces to the number 1 (2+0+0+8=10; 1+0=1) which is the number of new beginnings, inventiveness, pioneering.  The energy of 2008 presents us with a wonderful and unique opportunity to leave the past behind and  begin anew.  Whatever you’ve done or didn’t do no longer matters; what matters is who you are right now and to allow that Beingness and the Allness of who you are to flow forth from you and live as your experience.  If you’ve harmed someone, then make amends.  If you’ve been harmed then forgive.  Not tomorrow but today.  There’s no use taking yesterday’s mental garbage into this pristine moment.   It’s beautiful.  You’re here.  You’re in it.  So be in It consciously.  Be the love you’ve been seeking, be the forgiveness you’ve been seeking, be the blessing that the world has been seeking. 

Popularity: 33% [?]

Saturday’s Wisdom workshop was amazing!  There were 15 women ranging from their early twenties to women who were in their sixties and maybe even seventies in attendance.  Our main focus was on aligning our desires with our beliefs, in other words how to get the most out of life.  We channeled this energy into how we can improve and heal our relationships.  Because this workshop is so new, I am spending most of the three hours teaching the principles of better living, giving the class brief yet insightful journaling exercises and leading the meditation.  Again, I had a couple of women ask if I could extend the class to an entire afternoon rather than just a few hours…which I am considering.  I am considering it because there isn’t enough time for any meaningful discussion of the topics by the participants.  In any case I am knowing that the subsequent women’s wisdom workshops are going to be even more spiritually enlightening and fun.

Popularity: 29% [?]