Parenting as a Spiritual Practice: Identity Crisis
The new school year starts in two weeks. My oldest daughter is starting middle school and my youngest daughter has suddenly become more independent. I realize that I haven’t had a “job” in thirteen years.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t been working. I have been writing, cooking, teaching, cleaning, fundraising, doing homework, attending tournaments and recitals, refereeing etc… No, what I mean is that while my children are transitioning happily and seamlessly into the next phase of their young lives, I’ve been feeling a little lost. They are young and there is still a lot of parenting to be done yet, but I can see the college years looming, the empty nest emerging like the inevitable dawn, and I think, “What am I going to do?” “Maybe I should start thinking about going back to school?” “I should publish something, quick!”
The thoughts about what to do are really thoughts about who to be, that is “Who am I going to become now that my identity as parent of small children has changed?” The anxiety I experienced around the question of “job” tells me that my self worth and my identity have been wrapped up in being the primary care-giver of children. I know this because parenting (and marriage) is my spiritual practice.
