Dear friend,

Most of us are mentally comparing what we do with what we should be doing, how we look with how we should look, and how we are with how we should be. Walk into any gym, for example, and you’ll find men and women of all sizes working really hard to burn fat and calories in hopes of slimming down and reshaping their bodies. There’s the teenage boy doing bench presses in an effort to create the chest, arms and abs that his friends will envy, and then there’s the woman in her mid thirties working just as tirelessly on her hips, thighs and abs, envisioning the day when her body will look less maternal and more svelte like it did when she was 25. The disparity between the image in their minds of how they should look, imposes a negative judgment on how they do look, the result is varying degrees of feelings of anxiety, stress and self-loathing.

The compulsive need to compare and judge is often mistaken for striving to do better and to be more than what we are now. But in fact, these constant mental comparisons keep us in what the Buddhists refer to as samsara, the cycle of perpetual suffering. For example let’s say you achieve the perfect body, your work colleagues are listening to your ideas more intently, you begin to feel more respected, people are finally noticing you and they like you now better than ever…you now have everything that every diet ad and infomercial has promised. You feel relaxed, happy and fulfilled. Unfortunately, now you have to keep the image up. You may begin to obsess about what you’re eating and about how much you’re exercising. The stress and anxiety about yourself and your self image that you thought were gone has resurfaced--the worry and self-loathing are back.

All these mental images that we are comparing ourselves to, whether they are self imposed or imposed on us by society (which ultimately is a collective mental projection) are meaningless and insane. So your mindfulness assignment for this month is to watch the mental comparisons, judgments and “I should’s.” Notice how the comparisons and judgments feel in your body, and then take a deep breath. Just watch, feel and breathe and see how your world begins to change. If you want to take this practice a little further, stop giving these images your energy and attention. While you’re at the gym, focus instead on being as strong and healthy as YOU are in that moment. If you make a lot of mental comparisons and judgments on the job, then focus instead on being as efficient and creative as YOU can be in that moment. If it’s with family then be as loving as YOU are able to be in that moment. By comparing yourself and others to anything or anyone negates the sacredness of your being, which by definition is already perfect.

Namasté,

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